Hurting For You
by ExtinctionOfReality
Summary: ShuuKira Summary: Gin still hunts Kira after death, but in a form of his best friend, the only person he could find solace in...


**Summary: **Gin still hunts Kira after death, but in a form of his best friend, the only person he could find solace in...

**Pairing:** ShuuKira

**Rating:** NC-17

**Warnings: **messed up emotions, weirdness/abstractness

**Author's Notes:** A Secret Santa gift to _**KicktoKill**_-deary!

_**Hurting For You**_

Recently, Hisagi has been smiling a lot more than usual. As genuinely as possible, as cheerfully as he could, but it was all just a mask of his crushed heart, his sadness, his inability...

Inability to help the one he loved dearly, more than his own life.

On one of the many evenings, here they stood in the doorway to his room, Hisagi smiling at Kira, who had his head lowered, a very visible frown on those pale lips, the long bang of hair covering his face...his eyes...those gorgeous blue eyes...

They stood like that for a few moments, not saying a word. Hisagi didn't dare make a move, his legs were glued to the spot, feeling like a statue. That hideous smile still plastered on his face.

He knew why Kira came over. He knew it too well by the way his heart throbbed, by the lean of that fragile body against his chest.

No...not again...

And that was when his smile faltered as he looked down at the shorter man. That was when a miserable expression appeared on his face, his eyes deprived of any cheerful glitter. Hisagi felt like a shadow of his former self... He felt like just dying there on the spot.

But he couldn't...he needed to be strong for Kira.

Everything just for Kira.

Letting out a heavy sigh he wrapped an arm around the blond's head, leaning down, his cheek nuzzling the other, a scowl on his face. If he could, he would take every single bit of the pain Kira felt, every single sad thought he had and crush it all upon himself. He didn't care about his own well-being as long as his Kira would be alright.

He would give the world to the blond if he could...

Silently, Shuuhei closed the door to his room, leading the blond over to his futon, sitting him down gently. Kira still didn't say a word, just sat there with hands over his knees, which Shuuhei took in his own as he sat down in front of the blond, messaging them with his thumbs.

Minutes ticked by again, a thick layer of air stood between them and...Hisagi hated it. He hated when Kira was feeling like this...

"Do you want sake..?" he asked the same question he always did, quietly, looking up at Izuru's face, trying to look through the bang of hair, not that he needed to... He knew the expression the blond was wearing far too well.

Kira shook his head "no" in reply, those pale lips moving, a hoarse voice sounding, crushing Shuuhei further, "I want... Ichimaru-Taichou..."

Those words felt like ice, piercing Hisagi's skin, his whole being, his soul... He expected that... He knew who the other longed for...

And it wasn't him...

Lowering himself, forehead against Kira's lap, Shuuhei wrapped his arms around the blond's waist loosely. If he could, he would go to any pit of hell, to any part of the Human world, anywhere and everywhere just to bring that Ichimaru-bastard back. He hated him, despised him so much for hurting his Kira...his Izuru. It has been a few months already since that dreadful battle...and Kira was no where near recovering.

The blond didn't smile much when Ichimaru Gin was alive...but he stopped smiling at all now. He tried playing everyone for fools, saying he was fine, saying he was better...

Shuuhei knew far better though...and it pained him he could do nothing to ease Kira's suffering.

Feeling a small, smooth hand lift his face, Hisagi looked at Kira, pain visible in his eyes. The blond had his head tilted, bearing a blissful expression...a dreamy, sad expression, those eyes shining strangely, yet having a dull glow.

"Ichimaru-Taichou...why aren't you smiling..?" that voice quivered, he was on the verge of tears. Hisagi has heard that question before, those hands cupping his face, staring through him...but not at him.

As always, through pain, through the endlessly agonizing weight in his heart, Hisagi would smile. And strangely, his smile would look similar to that of the now dead Taichou. A smile through sorrow...grief...

Given up because of his own helplessness...

And Kira would smile back, leaning forward to brush his lips in a soft, yet meaningful kiss. Hisagi didn't dare take advantage of the moment. That thought never once even crossed his mind.

All he ever wanted was for Kira to be alright...that was all he needed...

And the blond would pull him in closer, his lips moving, parting, breath hitching as he lay down on the blankets, legs spread, hands running through Shuuhei's hair. And only then would Shuuhei allow his feeling for Kira to roam free. Only then he could really love him...show him how much he meant to him.

Their lovemaking was always slow, yet needy. Hisagi knew he wasn't the one Kira was seeing every time they were this close and those whispers of his former Taichou indicated as much.

But he let his own heart clench painfully in his chest.

As long as Izuru was happy...

Undoing Kira's shihakushou, Hisagi never once pulled away from those lips, already greedy... Greedy and heated, asking, begging for more... He let his hands run over the pale skin, loving how smooth it was to his touches, how the blond arched his back to be touched more, how a moan vibrated in his throat as he pinched a hardening nipple.

He would undo his own clothes himself, tongue traveling down the thin neck, nipping and licking at it frantically. At the corner of his eyes, he would watch those moist lips gasp, whisper a name that did not belong to him... Yet it would not make him stop.

He would not let his broken heart get to him.

Kira was in far greater pain and needed help...and that thought alone was what drew him further down, playing with the bellybutton, feeling those legs spread further apart, hands in his hair, indicating for him to proceed, tugging impatiently.

And Hisagi wouldn't waste time, pulling every single garment off, spreading Kira further with his fingers, scissoring him, trying to prepare the blond at least a bit...only to have his hand stopped, like always.

Hisagi knew Kira didn't need preparations. That he wanted it rough, for his insides to bleed. And that thought alone made him lose all hope of getting Kira back...

Those broken tears and cries coming through hands that covered Kira's face as he entered him dry...not out of pain, but something else, something much worse... made Hisagi sink down, his face against the slim chest, utterly defeated, but he still moved, he was still painfully aroused.

He loved Izuru so much and he wanted to show his feelings, to expose them, lay them all out on a silver platter...even if that silver platter was close to the edge of the table at Kira's heartbreaking cries...even as it fell with a loud clatter at those tears running down his face...

"Shh..." Hisagi would lean forward, trying to calm the blond the best he could, pulling those clawing fingers away from the stunning face, catching all of the tears, kissing away all of the sobs.

Shuuhei didn't stop his thrusts, speeding up greatly as he was getting closer, taking Kira's half erect member in his hand, pumping a few times. The blond would moan then, shuddering as Shuuhei would hit his prostate, trying his best not to hurt the one he loved further than he already did. Hisagi felt Kira's insides getting more slippery, showing him he tore...

Hisagi would never hurt Kira out of his own free will and he always apologized for tearing the blond, kissing him all over the body, caressing in a loving matter. Kira's eyes would stare up at the ceiling, never looking at him, never listening to him... Sometimes, he wondered why he couldn't be the one...why Izuru was so fixated on a dead man, why he couldn't let go of the past, but he let that thought slip past him, whispering beautiful, dirty nothings to the blond, trying to bring him back to reality.

It never worked...and it always caused Hisagi to lose his temper.

He told himself he would never hurt the one he loved and it was true, but the animal inside him was sometimes stronger, making him pound into Kira faster, merciless, slapping Kira's face to look at him, abusing him, bruising...

Hisagi wasn't a machine...and there was so little he could take.

Kira would gasp when Shuuhei got wild, feeling himself get more and more aroused until he would come, moaning loudly, head thrown back, back arched to the point of pain, shuddering with every thrust, Ichimaru Gin's name under his breath.

Only Hisagi could make him remember those days...only Hisagi could take him as he was...

He was the only one who cared about him.

And the way the brunet came inside so much indicated he was loved...

Kira woke up.

Gasping loudly at Kira's muscles clenching his member, Hisagi felt himself come, biting Kira's shoulder blade to avoid moaning loudly, to avoid startling the blond with his feelings. He would stay inside Izuru until every last drop of his cum would be inside him, marking the blond as his own...

But Kira always left him after anyway, wordless; never to look at him again until another mood such as this got the best of him.

Shuuhei started shaking as he sat up, a hand over his face, a goofy and miserable smile over his lips, tears running down his cheeks as he would look at Izuru, "I love you. I love you so damn much. I want to see you happy again, that sunny smile to shine on your face once more..." a breath, "I'm lost without you, Kira..."

When the blond would be hurt, he would hurt along with him...and he hated that. Izuru was his source of life, his whole life. He lived only for the blond...he wanted for him to see him, to be noticed.

And those blue eyes, red from crying so much, finally looked at him. Surprise glittered in them, a hand reached out to his face, "Hisagi-san..."

The blond would sit up slowly, leaving a short kiss on his lips, wrapping arms around his neck. Hisagi would embrace him back tightly, leaning his cheek against blond locks, holding unto Kira for dear life.

And at that moment, Hisagi hoped that Izuru would finally let go...and learn to love him back.

_**The End.**_


End file.
